Abundance Deep Dive: Day 29
Today was about creating Harmony within ourselves. I imagine that people can really struggle with this. Flip flopping in decision making, and letting the little things become big things. Or, worse, having regret for making a hasty decision.
I make decisions with regrets in mind. I am able to rationalize some of the fears and concerns that pop up, and let those nagging voices be heard.
I’ve learned over the years that making money is not everything, especially if it comes at the expense of my happiness.
Part of the reason for me selling off half of my business was that it was’t fun for me anymore.
So many times I sacrificed Fun in order to pay my bills, and tried to convince myself it would be fun again, and sometimes it was. The parts that I didn’t enjoy were the well oiled machine parts… predictable and repetitive. I was able to easily accomplish a month’s wages in a weekend of work.
A dream come true for most business owners. But I was bored. The worst fate for any artist.
I live for the trial and error. I love to experiment and push the boundaries on what I can create from next to nothing, and figure out projects and techniques that might actually work well for others.
The voice that popped up when I was making these decisions was a bit sad, and longed to have the good old days of random art projects and no rules. I kept squishing her to make money and to keep my business going. It worked, and I was able to completely support myself with teaching art classes.
Eventually, I let her voice be heard, and after a year of being silenced, it finally came out as, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
I don’t regret pushing my business forward and ignoring the voice that was asking me to add more variety in my life. I needed to get to the point where I could move to one extreme and live there to have the experience. I was honouring what my students wanted and was serving them the best way I could.
The students are what kept me going. It was hard to put my own desires on the back burner when at times, and it felt like I was sacrificing my own joy for theirs.
I became a people pleaser.
Eventually I began to resent my business for that. I manifested some serious pain in my arm and that lasted for months. The more out of alignment I was, the worse the pain got.
It took me a long time to accept that I needed to move forward, and that leaving the parts of my business behind that didn’t bring me joy was probably my ticket to better health and well being.
I had students begging me to continue teaching. I had some get angry and tell me that it wasn’t fair I was “just going to leave them hanging.” I stayed in it for as long as I could. And just when I was approaching my deadline to create my fall schedule, that’s when it hit me.
What if I never taught another class ever again? What might happen?
As soon as I said the words out loud, I got a little excited. I leaned into the option that I could create something different, and perhaps something better was on the horizon for me. Why had I never considered this before? Why had I assumed this was the only way to make money?
For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am in alignment with my purpose and I’ve never been happier. Realizing that when I’m having FUN and Loving myself, everything else falls into place.
I don’t know what the future will bring exactly. But I do know that I’ll be making some cool art, fulfilling my bucket list, and attracting new people into my life. I am confident that opportunities to make money in a heart aligned way will show up in Abundance as I lean further into this path.
It feels better than I ever could have imagined!
I have Faith the Universe will bring me what I need and that I will be able to see the opportunities and have the courage to take action.
I’m looking forward to the last day tomorrow. I’m also taking time tonight to look back with pride over what I’ve been able to accomplish so far.
Dream BIGCreate OftenInspire Others
Brandi Penrose ~ CuteCraftyGirl
Brandi Penrose, aka CuteCraftyGirl, LOVES helping people to Embrace their Creativity, and Believe in the Power of their Dreams! When she isn’t Teaching or Writing, you’ll find her making Stained Glass Art or tending to her Fairy Gardens.